so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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