sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
