i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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