please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
