Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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