I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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