whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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