college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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