3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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