erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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