I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
