I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
