He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
