**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
