Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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