oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
