had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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