Ketchup is God's man juice
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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