I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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