Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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