Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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