Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so explain again why im purple
no
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
