did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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