You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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