girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i came on her dog
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
