do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
