last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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