the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
