I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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