i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
