this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
