I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
