I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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