When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
