hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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