And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
