Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vagina is officially offended.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
