i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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