i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk is not a location!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
