dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
