Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
