Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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