Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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