I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
