I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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