We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
