Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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