After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
