Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
