It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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