The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
