he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
