is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
