I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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