i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
