Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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