she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
