am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
