Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
