i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
