I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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