I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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