So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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