Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
