I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
