Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
