You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
