When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
